Reset ex-lover
by Queenkiwi
Summary: You want to survive another week, renovate your shack and get some respect. Then Sans started acting funny as soon as another human fell down… Is he slow blinking at you from the other side of the room? The hot topic skeletons are stressing you out! Sans is a violent idiot, Papyrus is a rule abiding ball of stress and you just want some toilet paper! Soft underfell. (Also at ao3)


**Hot-buzz Impression**

**"Crying damsel in distress honestly thought she was tougher than this"**

* * *

No one had ever accused you of being a genius. You'd always been a bit too protected by a dad, without a healthy understanding of boundaries, and a consistently high mother. She was, of course, high from the fumes of the paint from constant home renovations. Otherwise it might have been a very different childhood experience.

So far your life had been, although sometimes filled with mischief, mostly stable and safe. That stability and safety quickly kissed your ass goodbye, much like many job opportunities after college, as soon as you fell.

The first time you meet the bony asshole (without the actual ass) had been during the most stressful time in your life. Not only had you fallen down a dark scary hole and found a whole new species, no, you had barely scraped by while doing it.

Monsters were... How should you put it? Monstrously huge.

Next to a monster you looked like a lost little kid. Most of them had to look down to see you, which was great when you were hiding but the worst when you tried to get respect. Hint, you got no respect. All the lines had been crossed several times by several grabby assholes. Every monster you've met head-on so far had tried to threaten, bribe or trick you in one way or another. One thing they all had in common, besides their fashion choices, were their obsession with souls. Or, well, your soul to be precise. You'd be flattered if it weren't for the angry monsters foaming at the mouth when you refused to present it. Weirdly enough, none of them ever assaulted you or actively tried to hurt you over it. Which was, if you were to stop and think about it, odd.

Most of them, when showing an aggressive amount of interest in your soul, jerked around or did grand gestures while shouting things such as, "Eat your greens!" Or, "Ribbit ribbit". Sometimes flashy things would happen. They were pretty to look at but strange. The monsters manifesting it always got more pissy after their little show but nothing major ever came of it. Only one of them had ever gotten physical. They headbutted you while dramatically exiting the room, or more like, hopping from the room. Monsters were weird and sometimes looked like hot topic frogs.

You've been in the underground for two weeks with nothing to show for it but scratches, bruises and a minor cold. This was nothing short of a miracle considering how unpleasant all the monster where, how big that goat was and how deceptively sweet a poisoned pie could be. Not to mention how thoughtlessly you habitually accepted whatever happened around you, still thinking, "surely, this new monster might be genuinely trying to help?" Needless to say, mama sure raised a fool.

You learnt that frogs did more than just passive aggressively sit on lily pads. They also shoot you on sight after whispering. "Hey, hey you! Hey, come here, That's right, baby. Coooome here!" From various dark and moist corners. At least you think they were trying to shoot you. After some serious contemplation you've realised that those lighshows were more than just for show. But for some reason they never hurt you.

You learnt that some material was more flammable (like cosy stolen blankets) than others and that fireballs were extremely hard to dodge when you saw double. Another truth was that some doors only opened from the inside, which, when faced with a sudden snow storm, was highly unfair.

That was then. Today you learnt a new fact about the underground- Skeletons are stick breaking douches with buzzers hidden in their sleeves.

"the name's sans, sans the skeleton." The new monster, dressed in red, black and yellow, said while sadistically firming his grip on your hand.

The buzzer got warmer and warmer. Oh shit, you felt your legs giving up, making you sink further down towards the snow, while something very unflattering happened to your pained face. You always were an ugly crier.

"Let go, asshole!" You shouted hoarsely through gritted teeth, trying desperately to get free from his grip.

His body bent with a low chuckle, following your own graceless decent, looming over you. After a while your hand was numb to the shocks but the heat felt like it might burn through your bones.

"You're hurting me!" Not that you thought he cared about that.

"nice to meet ya, too… buddy." He was way too close to your face. After one final squeeze he releasing your hand with a flourish. With a snicker he straightened to his full height. He towered over you, casting a dark shadow. Suffice to say, you didn't think he would fit through a regular door in a human home. That skeleton man was a big boy.

"now that the formalities are over with…"

You were too busy rubbing your hand to notice how his body language turned even more hostile. "i'd rather avoid making a mess…" At this you looked up. He grinned at you, sockets filled with malice. "but i'd like to make this quick. gotta carry my weight around here."

"What are you doing?" You watched his hand start glowing red. It made his false gold tooth glint.

"hehehe… see ya in hell, doll."

"What?"

His grin nearly split his face, slowly raising his hand, making it glow while one eye socket went out and the other ignited. Oh god, another light show, just like all the other monsters you've met.

"oh, would ya look at that. we're already here" One last second of eye contact then he made a strange hand gesture, like a come here motion, before he violently struck his hand towards the trees by the side of the road.

You watched him with wide eyes as he froze in a dramatic pose, staring at where his hand pointed.

"Uh…" You tried but faltered when his head slowly turned towards you.

His red wide eye was really starting to unnerve you.

"Uh, are you okay, dude?" As soon as you asked if he was okay you regretted it. Your tears were still wet on your cheeks and you felt that your kindness was wasted on him. You recovered as he stared at you, creepily, one might even say, without blinking.

The skeleton faced you head-on again and repeated the come here motion. Nothing happened to you. Now you just had to wait for him to reach the conclusion that it was useless so that you could move on.

He startled you by doing another violent turn and striking his hand upwards, towards the cave ceiling, still staring at you. His charged eyelight started spinning in his sockets, casting out small red sparks. You didn't know that skeletons could sweat.

"is this supposed to be a joke?" He started sweating harder.

"Sorry?" You blurted when his smile twitched.

"where is yer freaking soul, lady?!" Mr strangely angry skeleton man started doing various poses in rapid succession. "fucking freak!" He was getting more and more breathless, sweaty and… Sweary.

"that's impossible," he spat. "what the fuck?"

"Okay, uh, are you done now?"

"s-shut up!" How were you to know he was about to prove he wasn't just a big boy, but a big mean boy?

He broke the pose and strode over to you, "ya know damn well, doll." Feeling a bit intimidated you backed away but he caught you by the arm and dragged you back, "acting all dumb and shit." He swung you closer, "while using a magic barrier." As soon as you hit his chest from the awkward move he shoved you harshly down to the ground with a sinister laugh. Your ass hit the hard ice with a yelp. "the old fashioned way is still solid, eh?" He laughed. "works for me."

Then he backhanded you. This sick fuck just struck you right across the face.

There was no time to think, or spit out the blood pooling in your mouth. He sat his boney ass right across your chest and proceeded to slap you silly.

It must have looked ludicrous, this giant skeleton sitting on a woman half his size, just idly slapping her around. For another monster his size, this would be considered light bullying. For a small human? It was a horrifying assault. One you had not been prepared for. None of the other monsters had done this!

His laugh was loud and strangely wet, from deep in his chest and echoing through his bones. "hehe, only know one spell, bitch?" His eyes crinkled, "pathetic."

You kicked out your feet, tried to shout, but opening your mouth was a mistake. His thick bony hand graced your mouth, dragging your lip over your teeth. Had he hit the teeth head on, it felt like they would have popped out. It hurt like a bitch and cut your lip. Your body sunk down the snow, like a chilled cocoon trapping you further. It spiked your feeling of surrealistic panic, because this couldn't really be happening, right? All the while, you were stuck making involuntary sounds whenever his hard bony hand made an impact.

Your arms were partly locked on your chest, under his thighs, pushing them up did nothing to dislodge him. At some point you bit your own tongue, adding to the feeling of your face being on fire. All those self-defense lessons on youtube did absolutely nothing for you! You tried to remember them, but it was like your brain was stuck in a stutter. What did help you was more than a little surprising.

For Sans the skeleton that is.

"Sans! Why Are You Not At Your Post?!"

"b-boss!" He immediately slid off of you, staggering to his feet in a clumsy movement.

You barely had a moment to reorient yourself and realize the new situation. The attack had lasted seconds while feeling like hours, but you had just enough time to make out the tall angry skeleton stomping forward. Right as you, to your own growing horror, connected the dots of what was happening and what you were seeing- that there was another one, Sans grabbed you again. He took a hold of your sweater by the scruff of your neck, with a few errant strands of hair getting caught and snapping off painfully. You lost your breath when he housted you up to your feet and you instinctively grabbed his hand.

"bro." Sans nodded to the tall angry figure getting closer.

Oh no, they were brothers! The chances of this new skeleton helping you out were getting slimmer by the minute. You couldn't stop sniffling, the blood running from your nose fell to the back of your throat making you involuntarily swallow, feeling like you were going to drown if you didn't. The new skeleton, clad in black and red, like Sans, was even bigger. If you considered Sans a big mean boy, then surely this one would be considered a massive one.

"Sans!"

The new arrival stopped a small distance away from the scene. Feet apart, shoulders raised and head tilted down, he looked at the two of you for a beat. Tilting his head slightly to the right he made a dismissive sound in the back of his throat and crossed his arms.

"I Don't Know If I Should Be Proud Of You For Actually Doing Your Job For Once, Or Disappointed By Your Methods." This new massive boy was also a massive prick.

Sans, the absolute worst person in existence (in your newfound personal opinion) had the audacity to laugh. "this little doll", he shok you, "is a freaky one." His smile fell slightly, "and not in the fun way." You gave up trying to get away at this point.

"she's put up a barrier, boss." He raised you slightly making you desperately trying to reach the ground with your toes, grabbing his hand harder and glaring angrily. You had never been in this much trouble before. Not in a way that made you think you were going to get killed.

You had never been this afraid.

"Regardless, You Have It In Hand, I See."

"heh, good one, bro."

"Not What I Meant You Menace!" He pinched where his nose would be if he had one.

Sans looked smug. He shrugged, making your body follow his movement, swinging pathetically from your helpless hold. You couldn't feel your lips anymore. It was the strangest feeling.

"Report And Proceed To The Next Station, Sentry!" Those red eyelights were cutting.

"right." Sans changed his grip but still held firm, cementing you to his side. "human displays an immunity to magic attacks. physical attacks on the other hand…" He squeezed your neck, "works just fine. seems like they don't have much fighting experience."

You spat at him. The big glob of spit and blood landed under his eye socket and dripped down to the corner of his mouth. You had a small moment of elation. Then you saw nothing but stars when he headbutted you.

You didn't see anything for several hours after that.

* * *

You woke up in a dark room. It was cold but thankfully only slightly (very) damp. You were laying on a pile of blankets, surprisingly soft and thick, considering your previous treatment. Still, those blankets were placed on a hard wooden floor. It looked like it might give you splinters if you were brave enough to walk there with bare feet.

And, oh, you were behind bars.

In a shed.

A dark shed... After getting the beat down of a century from a very angry skeleton. Said skeleton was thankfully not present.

But his brother was.

He was staring at you from a dark corner. The only reason you noticed this was because he threw a damp rag at your face through the bars when you dragged your hand under your nose.

"Wipe That Shit Off Your Face!" He barked from an uncomfortable looking stool. What a prick. You hoped the stool numbed his ass.

If you were shaking or not didn't matter. His stare was unwavering and harsh, even when you obeyed his orders numbly. The blood had dried and crusted on your face in small flakes that occasionally came off when you moved. You felt gross.

The damp rag felt like it was just dragging it around and making it worse. But you were scared enough that you kept at it, just to keep him from storming towards the bars, or even worse, coming into your side of them to hurt you. But shit, it was pure agony even touching your nose, the area around your mouth or the side of your jaw.

"Now." The monster started, paused and crossed his legs, "You Have Been Captured By The Great And Terrible Captain Of The Royal Guard." A note came into existence from nowhere over Papyrus head. It fluttered down gently. He snatched it from the air and squinted at it for a beat. "And… His Brother." His frown tugged down as if displeased at the last part. He crumbled the note.

You kept quiet but stopped trying to clean yourself when he got out a pair of reading glasses from his pocket, a pen and a small writing pad.

"You Will Be Processed According To Procedure. As Agreed With The Underground Factions, Section 5B. Do You Understand?"

You gave him a blank look. He returned your look with an unimpressed one. He placed the glasses on the bridge of his nose with a gentle click. You were surprised they didn't fall off. As soon as they were on his face you were struck by the thought that he might be the "good cop". If so, then when would that other skeleton asshole be the bad cop, waltzing in later on to torture you?

"A Sentry Has Been Dispatched To Gather Further Orders Regarding Your… Unique Situation." He paused again, clicked a pen and tapped it against a blank page on the writing pad. You had an inkling about who he was talking about. "I Believe You've Met." He gave a dry chuckle while you struggled to respectfully continue removing dried bodily fluids while seeming attentive. Your nerves were not made for this shit.

"Briefly." You gritted from aching teeth. One of them felt extra tender. At least Sans wouldn't be here. It was a small (insignificant) comfort.

"I Will Ask You A Series Of Questions. Answering Them Will Ease Your Stay Here Until Further Notice. You Will Answer Them. Understood?"

"... I understand." The rag was useless, dirty, used and placed on the floor where it belonged.

He nodded. "Then, Human… What Is Your Full Name?"

You gave it to him. Somehow this didn't feel real.

"Gender?"

"Uh, woman. Or, uh, do they say female in this sort of thing?"

He ignored your question. "How Long Since You Fell Underground?"

"About… Two weeks I think?"

He wrote it down while asking the next question. "What other sort of monsters have you encountered? Where did you have these encounters?"

He gave similar questions, who you've met, what happened, where you started out and what you knew of the area. It felt like hours had passed and the questions repeated themselves. Some were asked differently, but you still did your best. The shed got lighter, your butt ached but the blankets helped keep you warm. During a lull you noticed that he had bags under his eyes. None of you looked happy to be there. Then he started asking you about magic.

"How Many Mages Are There Currently?" He flipped the page.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"How Many Mages Are There Currently At The Surface?" He clarified.

"Uh", you wrinkled your nose. An uncomfortable feeling started to grow. "Harry Potter?" You hesitantly answered.

"Harry Potter." He mirrored.

"Yeah, the boy who lived." His blank face made you nervous. "Uh, you know?" You coughed.

"I Don't." He tapped his pen again. "Who Else?"

"I don't know. I, uh, never read the books. And... Only watched two of the movies."

He stopped writing. "Movie?"

"Yeah."

He scratched out what he wrote. "How Many Mages Are Currently At The Surface, Who Are Actually Alive And Real?"

"I don't think there are any." But what the hell did you know? At this point you might even start believing that Harry Potter was someone's biography.

He grumbled, underlined something and then started to completely obliterate your confidence and your voice.

No, you didn't know any mages. No, you were not lying. You weren't part of a pack or unit? Whatever that meant. No, you didn't know magic was real until now. No, you don't know how to do magic. For the seventh time, no, you're not a mage and there was no such thing as a magic army at the foot of the mountain.

"Don't Lie To Me, Human! I WILL Make You Regret It."

"I'm not lying!"

No, you didn't work for someone. You were sad and unemployed. Why couldn't you get work? Because you didn't have the experience. Yes, it really works like that. How did you live? Terribly, thanks for asking. Where? With your parents. Yes, you were an adult. No, you didn't have any defects. Yes, your parents were upset about your life choices and general lack of achievements. No, you didn't like napping everywhere. Yes, you performed very poorly at gym when you were in school.

"For the last time! I fell down here alone, met a goat and left. I didn't dust anything, because it's rude! And no…! I didn't bring anything dangerous with me!"

"Didn't Dust ANYTHING?" He looked angrier for some reason.

"Not a single thing!"

He put down his pen. "I Knew It", he mumbled to himself. "Humans Are Fucking Disgusting."

Deciding it was better to be quiet, since you were smart enough to know that you were at his mercy, you merely pulled the blanket tighter around yourself when he got up and started pacing.

After a while he got up and dunked a mug into a barrel then swiftly turned towards you.

"Your Horrible Voice Is Grating!"

The cup felt rough and cool. As soon as you accepted it he backed away from you. The water tasted like heaven after all this time but his relentless judgy stare made it hard to enjoy. He leaned against the wall opposite you with crossed arms and ankles. Sharp teeth set in a frown, glaring red eyes unwavering and full of suspicion. He didn't look real. Like a prop in a movie or an oversized halloween decoration.

After a few sips you broke under the pressure and asked what you really wanted to know.

"What's your name?"

He was silent long enough that you thought he wasn't gonna answer you when he surprised you. "Papyrus."

"Papyris." You tried. He looked offended.

"Papyrus!" He repeated heatedly. "Get It Right!"

"That's what I said! Papyris."

"No, You-" He cut himself off and took off his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nasal bone. He took a deep breath, composed himself and straightened.

"Pa-Py-Rus." He enunciated slowly.

"Papyrus."

He dramatically raised his arms in a quick movement."Yes, Papyrus!"

"... Am I going to die, Papyrus?"

He scoffed dismissively. "In A Perfect World, You Would Already Be Dead."

"Rude."

"My Brother's Words, Not Mine. They Are Still True." He returned to his stool, pen and pad.

You watched him sit down while tracing the edge of your nose. It had swelled. After he got situated you asked, "So... I will die?"

He fixed you with a tired frown, "No."

"Then what will happen to me?"

"You're Useless." He said it like a statement, something completely true. "Because Of A Magic Barrier You Don't Even Know You're Casting." He looked frustrated about that. You had a hard time feeling sympathetic

"It Is Almost Ironic. Yet Another Thing Mages Will Keep From Us. Another Way To Keep Us Here." He said it out loud but it was as if he was talking to himself.

After a moment he continued in a louder voice. "Until Further Notice You Will Be Under Evaluation By The Royal Guard. If Deemed Harmless You Will Be Allowed Free Reign Of Snowdin Under Supervision. If Not, You Will Be Terminated Immediately."

Your fingers froze on your face. He noticed.

"You Look Like Shit."

"You look dead." Almost as dead as you would be if "terminated".

"weak, doll."

"Sans!" Papyrus turned to his brother who had just appeared in the room, as if summoned by lame jokes and growing depression. Sans stood with his hands in his pockets and a lazy smile. You tensed when he looked you over, sockets catching on your wounds. His smile widened.

Your first impression of Sans wasn't great (understatement of the year) and he was about to make sure his second impression showed even more of his bad qualities.

"heh, he wasn't kidding." He was one to talk with those deep red eyebags under his sockets.

"Sentry! Report!" Barked Papyrus.

Sans turned towards his brother, "paps, relax. it's too early for formalities."

"We're Still Working, Sans! Show Some Decorum."

"nah." He scratched his cheek and winked. "human is already caught so relax. besides… i'm on break."

Papyrus gave a long suffering sigh. "Just Tell Me The Orders."

"m'kay."

"..."

"..."

"Sans."

"yeah, boss?"

"The Orders, Now."

"m'kay."

"Don't You Dare."

"..."

"SANS!" Nothing could have prepared you for that sudden screech. "DON'T GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING BULLSHIT AND GIVE ME THE FUCKING ORDERS!"

"aw, paps. ya know i hate repeating myself." If Sans was at all concerned with his pissed off brother or the consequences for his actions, he didn't show it. He also didn't seem concerned about relaying the orders.

"You Didn't Say Shit! We've Captured A Human For The First Time In 59 Fucking Years And You're Giving Me This Bullshit!"

"no i didn't. i said nothing."

"My Point Exactly! That's The Problem!"

"yeah, that's what we're doing. nothing."

Papyrus looked like he wanted to shout some choice words but refrained. He grinded his teeth and Sans shrugged.

"Either We Didn't Get New Orders Or We're Ordered To Do Nothing?"

"yeah."

"Yes, What?

"what?"

"OHMYGOD!" Papyrus got up, grabbed his shitty stool and threw it at his brother.

He missed.

A deep wet laugh echoed in the tiny shed. Sans was wiping away tears while his brother was throwing a tantrum, and obscenities, at his brother, his behaviour and the world in general.

"chill, bro. i'm just messing with ya."

Papyrus was far from chill, but he just remembered you were in the room with them. Throwing you a glance he blushed from anger and embarrassment. You averted your eyes.

He cleared his throat and gave Sans a glover. "If You Are Quite Done?"

"yeah yeah." He rocked on the balls of his feet. "orders are- no transport, observation and report to the king. Uh, and the little psyko is gonna come over later for an evaluation."

"That Is Not Nothing!"

"basically nothing."

"Tch! I'll Alert All Units In The Area In The Morning."

You glanced around, pretty sure that was now.

"it's already morning, bro."

"You Are A Menace!"

The bickering was interrupted by the sound of a fallen tree and a distans shout of, "NNNGGHHAAAA!" Promptly followed by the sound of more broken trees, including the disturbance of a decrepit christmas tree that jingled sadly at the mindless violence so carelessly tossed its way. Then came the sound of running on snow, intense knocking on a house outside the shed and then silence. It didn't last for long.

"PAPYRUS!" A woman bellowed. "Open up this instance!" Her knocking intensified. "I know you're here you dweeb!" You could have sworn you smelt sushi.

The brothers shared a look before glancing your way. You gulped.

A decision was made between the brothers silently.

Finally Papyrus sighed, brushed off his uniform and offhandedly told his brother, "Protocol, Sans." Sans face soured. Then the taller of the two left to deal with the increasingly loud woman banging her fist against the house outside. You could barely make out what they were saying but in the end you decided it wasn't worth it. You had another issue to deal with- Sans.

"heh, relax, doll. ya look like yer gonna shake right outta your skin."

You were scared of him. But you were also dumb as shit. "So, Sans the skeleton." You paused for dramatic effect. He ruined it.

"sans the skin."

You refused to react.

"We meet again."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...What are you doing?"

"observing a human in its natural habitat." The, behind bars part, went unsaid.

You stopped touching your face at last. He looked way too proud of himself. Too happy about your captivity. It made your fear fade and be replaced by a growing irritation.

"yer nose looks like a little balloon. is that normal for ya?"

You refused to reply. He shrugged, unbothered and leaned against the opposing wall. "listen, doll." He lazily drawled. "a little doctor is gonna take a look at that freaky soul ya got. do ya know why? or are ya too stupid to figure it out by yerself?"

You poked an aching tooth for a bit, adding focus to your stare. After awhile you decided to speak up. "That thing in the forest… You tried to take my-" You stopped yourself and scrunched your nose. "My, uh, soul."

"yeah." He didn't look the slightest bit ashamed.

"And it's something that can be stolen?"

"ya bet." His teeth, that were already pretty sharp looking, grew longer until they resembled thin needles. Your mouth opened with shock while his smile widened at your reaction. Sans wore a cruel face, "can be used, too. like a tool to get what we need."

You felt the hair on your arms rise and grew still. He laughed at you, low and dark. "what's with that face? never been afraid of death before? i bet ya had it cushy before. ya know, under the sun. while the rest of us were left to rot."

Sans looked delighted in your discomfort, his smile grew until it rested unnaturally close to his eyes. "i'm not gonna bore ya with the story. ya don't even care about it, do ya? about the war, the fallen or the new food rations and what that means? the cave-ins…"

"..."

"of course ya don't. just know this, buddy, if that little psykopat finds a way to break yer cute little barrier…" His eyes turned pitchblack. "yer as good as dead, d o l l."

* * *

Reader: Confused about Papyrus asking her about cleaning*

Papyrus: Insulted when reader talks about monsters as things*

The soft version of Underfell


End file.
